


I Want To Be Where You Are

by dyslexicdecisions



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2013-11-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 08:25:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyslexicdecisions/pseuds/dyslexicdecisions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabble based on one of the interviews after they went back to the X Factor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want To Be Where You Are

Going back to the X factor was fun, along with many other things. I thought I might have been on a high for days after we got off that stage, but once the interviews started I could feel my nerves coming back to me. Not stage fright or camera shyness or anything, we were all well used to the publicity at this stage. It was the nerves I was so used to getting around people, back when I was in school, back when I was here. Back when I had realised I was in love, when I  _definitely_  shouldn’t have been, with  _someone_  I  _definitely_  shouldn’t have been. 

Just being back here, with all the girls made the memories flood back, along with the feelings.

I never really stopped loving her, I just stopped showing it. It was easier that way, easier than constantly getting my hopes up just to flake out when it most mattered, or worse, see her act completely oblivious. I guess she did that for me though, I’m younger and less experienced and instead of hurting me and embarrassing me by acknowledging the fact that I was infatuated with her, she ignored it. I suppose I was sort of thankful for that, but another part hated the fact that we were still unsettled, we never talked about it, so therefore she never said no, therefore I was always stupidly hopeful whenever she gave me that look. 

 _That look_ , the one where she reads me just completely and utterly examines me and then knows everything that’s going on in my head. It frustrates the hell out of me. 

Why can’t I do that to her? I mean most of the time I can but if she wants to hide  something she can, you bet your bottom dollar that’s why when anything remotely near the subject of “us” comes up, she just blanks. I don’t mean she doesn’t know what to think, I mean she just  _purposely_ blanks; everything. Her face, her eyes, her voice.

Sometimes she’s just so impossible, but I love it and her and that is all just flooding back to me now, with these stupid questions all about kisses and romance and her standing right next to me. Casually leaning against me, unknowingly sending me into a frenzy. I had to keep calm, act casual. So I concentrated on just being usual Camila.  _Goofball Camila. Lauren’s Camila. **No**   **no, shh brain,**   **no**. Just weird it up. _

"Let’s describe her in a song." I watch as Chris nods towards Lauren and my brain goes on automatic. I was so relieved that he had asked all of us, the other girls were blurting out Lana songs as soon as they came into their heads. I got that Lauren looked up to her so much, but that wasn’t the question. I shook my head for a while and told the girls no while trying to think of a song that wouldn’t give away too much.

Right then in that moment I realised how many love songs I actually knew and I felt kind of sick at how cheesey my brain was, there was no way I was going to sing half of these. I laughed as Normani started singing Summertime Sadness and stole a glance at Lauren, she was turned away from me but I knew she was laughing too. I looked away quickly and started panicking as Chris held the microphone in front of me.

He always knew Lauren and I had a special bond and seeing as we had the same opinions about the other girls songs I guess he thought I’d have the best answer. I knew I’d have the best answer anyway, I knew her the best, even now there was no way anyone would get a better fit. That’s when my mouth ran away with itself.

"What’s a song? OH.. Your beautiful eyes, stare right into mine." I smiled as I sang, feeling the glossy green orbs burning into my skin beside me, I barely heard Normani say no and kept singing for a second too long when the mic was pulled away from me.

My face dropped automatically but I saw Lauren turn to me in my peripheral, her eyes had never left my face. ”That was nice!” Lauren said ignoring the other girls, her arms looped around me easily and I leaned into her automatically taking in her intoxicating scent. She held me close and I shut my eyes making sure I’d remember this, our special moments like this were so far and few in between that I had started to cherish them each a little more when they came along.

"I love you." I heard her say, with me still wrapped up in her arms. It was moments like this where I flaked, where I was too scared, where I wanted beyond everything for her to mean what I felt. The way it had slipped out of her mouth so casually and naturally told me it was platonic, she loved me as a friend that was easy. We were easy like that but I was the one who found it easy to love her wholly. Completely. Irrevocably. What I didn’t though was trying to say I love you to her without her knowing, without her picking up on my double meaning, because I was an open book to her.

She would know and maybe this time, a year after she thought this was all dealt with, maybe she’d have to confront me. Maybe she’d have to tell me I was hopeless, being stupid and childish. 

That I should have been over this, over  _her_  ages ago. Maybe she’d take away my last silver-lining and I’d be left with nothing just an insatiable longing to be close to someone I could never have. I couldn’t let that happen but my mouth had already run away with my heart, betraying my sanity. I had to save it somehow.

"I love your  _eyes_.” I exaggerated the word as it fell into my mouth, not belonging there. Sure I loved her eyes but it wasn’t what I had wanted to say. I turned to her and she smiled at me her eyes burning my own. I couldn’t look at her too long because her burning glare would open me up and I couldn’t let that happen. 

Instead I let myself get distracted by the next question so everyone could forget how much of an ass I just was. I couldn’t help forget my train of thought when Lauren spoke to me.

"Let the fangirl take over." She hooked onto my shoulder and I internally swooned, I was the ultimate fangirl and every single name that popped into my head was Lauren related, how did she do that to me?

"Get it girl.  _Get it girl!_ ”

"UGGGGHHHH" I groaned out loud,  _stop distracting me Jauregui or you’re going to get it._

"Fifth Harmony fan."

"Fifth Harmony fan." I repeated stupidly.

"Westside Bow… Westside bow… yo? WESTSIDEBOWYO!" I thought aloud. I felt Lauren laugh beside me and smiled when she turned to me again. It was almost as if we never left, we were us in our own world and we were each the most important to the other. I blanked for a minute just watching her before my ears tuned in again.

"It’s like a talent."

I nodded towards the camera putting a smug face on.

"It’s a talent!" I laughed and Lauren joined in facing the camera too her face bright with ecstasy. My mouth kept running and Lauren’s attention never faltered, even when we both turned to Ally I could feel her. She wasn’t looking at me, her hand was hovering by my side not touching me but there ready, incase I was to fall or something. I could feel her because she was conscious of me, she had suddenly returned to old Lauren who would look out for me constantly, without consciously knowing it or showing it in physical ways.

It wasn’t until we were back in our hotel rooms that I realised she had never really changed. I mean we all changed but she never didn’t have that Lauren in her personality, she always cared for me, she always looked out for me, she always made me happy. She put me before the others every single time, even though I’d been all avoid-y and tried to distract myself with the other girls. I felt like such a dick sometimes but it was so hard to not hang out of her every time we were together and if I got used to that, if we got that close again… Being apart even now was difficult but if we were inseparable again, going home. It was impossible. Unbearable.

A part of me thought it’d be easier this way. Another part told me it was worth all that pain to be that close to her again. 

I was lying on my bed my door slightly ajar when I heard her. I couldn’t stop thinking about today, I kept playing it over and over in my head, things I could have said, should have said. Should have done. I could have flung my arm around her and left it there for the entire video and I don’t think she would have batted an eye lid at me. I closed my eyes and imagined her reaction. Chris talking away and the other girls talking over each other trying to get there two cents in, while me and Lauren stood on the other side, our bodies tangled into one. Lauren leaning in to whisper into my ear everything and nothing all at once. It’d be everything that I’d want to hear.

"It’s good to have you back." She’d say and I’d smile while she gently caressed my cheek with one finger before returning her attention back to the interviewer, but we both knew she was concentrating on me. She was probably doing something stupid like making sure our breathing was in sync so she’d be able to calm me down if I got too excited or nervous. That was one of my favourite things. _That was a lie_  all the things she did for me were my favourite things. She always made me feel special and I loved that.

"It’s good to be back." I said out loud, a broad smile gracing my lips my eyes still shut tight. 

"Back where?" I heard as the bottom of my bed sank letting me know someone had just sat on the end of it and I was sure whoever  _that_  was, matched the voice that had just spoken. I opened my eyes and slowly sat up and sure enough, I was met with those hypnotizing green eyes examining my expression yet again. I gave a small smile, nervous that she was here, she picked up on it immediately.

"Sorry your door was open… I just.." She started to get up but I surged forward and pulled her back down.

"No sorry, I’m just hazy. I was daydreaming." She smiled kindly and stayed sitting on the bed, pulling her head phones down around her neck. I felt my heart skip a beat when I heard the song coming from the small speakers. My eyes shooting to where the sound was coming from.

"Sorry." She said quickly searching for the pause button on her phone.

"I can’t stop listening to it… I think it’s kinda special now." She smiled again, nervously this time some blood rushing to her cheeks. I looked back up at her when the music cut and smiled widely.  _Special?_  

"Well there’s you being proud cause you got Mani into ‘The XX’ and I made you listen to Taylor Swift." I laughed at her and she joined in our, laughs blending quickly.

"And it was cheesey Swift too, not one of the ‘oh I’m kinda cool’ songs, it was a lame love song." I could’ve slapped myself, _yes that’s right Camila admit that you sang a cheesey love song to your bestfriend, **to said bestfriend.**  _

"Yeah well to be honest I’d prefer if I had a version by you but I suppose I just have to deal with what I’ve been given." She smiled wider, maybe she didn’t pick up on it…

_Who was I kidding she picked up on everything being the crazily intuitive person she was._

"You should be so lucky." I winked. She chuckled at my response before continuing.

"So where is it good to be back?" She asked again one of her eyebrows raising a knowing smile playing on her lips. 

"Here…" I said without thinking. Well with thinking, thinking of her but I only ever thought of her so I suppose it didn’t really count as thinking at all anymore. She was just always in there.

"I mean, the X Factor." I corrected and she nodded at me.

"Yeah it brings back a lot of memories doesn’t it?" She smiled moving closer to me, pulling me into her. I snuggled into her side and hummed in agreement. 

"Feelings too." She smiled and sighed before turning her head to face mine. My breath hitched as our eyes locked. She was impossibly close yet ridiculously far away. We stayed like that, just looking at each other.

"I miss you." She said and before I could stop myself I was nodding and chewing on my lip.

"I feel like I abandoned you." I admitted feeling a lump in my throat and my eyes were suddenly not able to meet hers.

"You didn’t. I feel like I should have kept a tighter hold on you though." 

"That wasn’t your job, you shouldn’t have needed to."

"I know but… I wish I did." She said and I was shocked at her honesty. She could have been talking about us, but I couldn’t let myself think about that, not right now when I knew all I was to her was her bestfriend. How ridiculously selfish does that sound?  _"Only her bestfriend"_  and I left her without one.

"I don’t want to leave you again." I said even though really, we both knew, technically I had never left her. 

"I won’t let you this time." She said and I felt her smile. I looked back to find her gorgeous green eyes still piercing mine. I felt like she was closer but I think I was just intoxicated by her presence. I smiled and I wasn’t sure if she’d see it because we were so close but her eyes returned it and I saw the smile in her eyes. She rested her forehead against mine and I watched her eyes disappear beneath her lashes. I closed my own eyes and followed her breathing. My heart was racing, butterflies were attacking my insides and I was sure that if her arms weren’t around me I would have been floating. 

We sat like that for some time, too much time maybe, but not enough. I heard her sigh and get up to leave, I watched her quietly as she pulled her phone back out and restarted the song I had sang her earlier. She slid the headphones back onto her ears before kissing my forehead tenderly.

"I’m really tired, I’m gonna go to bed. See you tomorrow Camz. I love you." She smiled gently before pressing play and leaving the room. I sat there and stared at the open door listening to her footsteps go down the hall, wishing I had made her stay somehow. I heard her voice travel back up the corridor and I smiled as I recognised the song immediately. 

_Your beautiful eyes_

_Stare right into my eyes_

_and sometimes I think of you late at night_

_I don’t know why_

_I want to be somewhere where you are_

_I want to be where…_

Something clicked inside me and before I knew it I had flung myself out of my room after her. I caught up with her quickly and pulled her around and leaned into her. It was now or never and I had already given too much away to back out now. That was the thing with Lauren, I always gave her everything. I paused slightly when I saw her questioning eyes, but I wouldn’t be able to explain myself otherwise. I gave up trying to talk myself out of this. I moved in slower this time and pressed my lips onto hers, softly hooking my lips around her plump lower lip. I gave up making excuses in my head for what I felt for Lauren, because right then, I knew without a doubt that I was in love with her and nothing could change that. I gave up my first kiss to the girl I loved. Never quite pushing too hard never not touching, but just there. I stayed like that for a second, remembering her taste, making sure I wouldn’t forget the way her lips felt on mine and remembering everything about what I felt right now because it was  _perfect_. I pulled back slowly, my eyes still closed tight, scared to see her reaction but I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my lips or the words that escaped them shortly afterwards.

"I love you too." 

I opened my eyes slowly to see green eyes staring back at me. I swallowed hard, bracing my self for rejection.

"I know." She said quietly. A small smile played at the corner of her mouth, before it spread across and over took her entire face. She looked at her feet bashfully, when her eyes returned their attention back to me her cheeks were completely flushed and I couldn’t help but smile back at how cute she was. I let out a breathe I didn’t realise I was holding when it clicked that this was a positive reaction. She seemed flattered and she wasn’t telling me how much I just ruined everything. I felt my hands lock together in front of me nervously rubbing my fingers together waiting for her to say something else.  _Anything_  else.

"Took you long enough." She chuckled quietly and my mouth fell open a bit. My brain replayed our conversation. She knew, _she knew?_   ** _She knew_ _._** She  _always_  knew. How could I think that she  _didn’t_? I always said she read me like a book.  _She knew._  

I blushed and smiled nervously before raising my hand and awkwardly waving at her.

"I guess I’ll let you get your sleep then…" I said my eyes looking anywhere that weren’t hers. I could feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment, she knew all this time that I liked her and today when we were talking maybe it wasn’t just me who was talking about more. I turned and tried to casually walk back to my room while still willing my legs to move faster.

"Hey!" I felt Lauren’s hand grab mine and I turned around. Her face was flushed and she seemed flustered, nervous.  _When was Lauren Jauregui nervous?_

"You said you wouldn’t leave again?" She said softly, her eyes locking onto mine. I turned and looked at her blankly not understanding what she meant. _I wasn’t leaving?_

"And I said I wouldn’t let you?" She nodded trying to get me to understand.

"Yeah?" 

"Then don’t go?" I felt my eyebrows furrow for a second, but I loosened them once my brain caught up with Lauren’s words.

"Stay with me tonight?" She asked and I smiled as she gave a soft tug on my hand and gently lead me down the corridor.

"Ofcourse." 


End file.
